Thoughts from a mentee

In the January/February Trumpet Hendrik Sharples touched on a most important aspect of the bridge world - mentoring. Yes, despite the "pro system" which exists, mentorship in its purest form is alive and well.
Here are Isolde’s thoughts:
1) Find a mentor who embraces your communication style. One mentor once told me to "read a book". Hmmm, he didn't know that in general, I hate to read. Another once answered a bridge question in a cryptic three word e-mail. Hmmm, but buy him a drink after the game is over and you will receive a wealth of information. What worked for me is e-mail. From the moment I presented my first hand via the keyboard, we were off. There was something calming about the physical distance, and the forgiving time lapse added to the learning process.
2) Don't get too many mentors. You'll avoid a lot of anguish and confusion if you stick to one or two mentors. This is the problem. For the most part there is a element of style in bridge, and there certainly are different approaches. I once heard three different responses from three mentors to the same question, true story. Pick a style that works for you (for me the style was extremely structured and mathematical, where communication systems were clearly defined).
3) Pay attention to what your mentor says. Take copious notes if you forget (I started writing down all my hands when I played, every last spot card). The most dreaded words I hear are: "Haven't we gone over that?" I don't believe I've heard those words often, but have said on occasion, "we've gone over that already.”
4) Work hard. Add your own blood, sweat and tears to the process. Before you approach your mentor with a difficult bridge problem, check the bridge encyclopedia, do a Google search, check the references your mentor gave you. Can you find an expert who has played the same hand, online perhaps, so you can review his/her declarer play card for card? Now your mentor will see that you are as invested as he/she is.
5) Be a true friend, since you can offer your mentor little besides friendship. Watch him/her play the major events. Congratulate him/her on the big wins. Make sure that your competitive passion is as tuned for your mentor as it is for your own level of play with your partners and teammates. Flowers, cards and the traditional "first place or don't come home" exchange, e-mailed before every "biggie", were my attempts at reciprocal karma.
6) Don't argue with your mentor. If, for whatever reason, you can't accept the guidance he/she gives at the time it was given, use this phrase to end the conversation: "I've heard you and appreciate your thoughts. I'll wait until I get as good as you to understand the concept in its entirety.”
7) Be trustworthy. Full-blown mentorship is a very intense private exchange. Trust that relationship to guard the special communications you share which are not meant for the entire world to hear.
8) Share what you learn. Once you think you are capable, share your mentorship teachings with others. I've written several bridge articles based on my mentor's teachings. I've also developed a special relationship with bridge players "in the making", Laura Beal, Dave Coleman, Paul Cieslak and others.
I can also share two potential problem areas in mentorship situations.
• Get your partner to buy into your mentor's approach to bridge. If it's a constant issue between you and your partner to accept your mentor's teaching, get a different mentor or partner. It isn't going to work for anyone.
• Remember that you will be competing against the person who is there to teach you. Make sure that you know his/her commitment is ultimately to his/her partners and teammates. The fact that he/she is willing to help develop players able to compete successfully at the national level makes goal setting easy. For both you and your mentor it isn't about getting an 80% in the local club game; it's about making it to the third day of the Blue Ribbon Pairs.
Hope these ideas are of help and you will enjoy a mentorship journey soon! For women this journey is essential. We aren't often seen intuitively and socially as national champions. It's such a struggle to break through some of those gender-based barriers. The strength gained through mentorship can be the wellspring of that quiet reserve you need to make it out of the Consolations and into the Finals.